My Life With The Female Youichi Hiruma
by Kouga Myazawa
Summary: A collection of oneshots featuring Ashley Crawford, a transfer student from California, U.S.A., using her demonic fangirl ways to make Tsuna's life a living, sexy, heavenly Hell. yaoi EveryonexTsuna Warning!: Contains crack, OOCness, and Hiruma stuff.
1. PineappleFlavored Lipgloss

1

The Summer school festival. The day where chipper little schoolgirls and boys made booths about baseball, love tips, games, food, and many other things. Now all there is, is...yaoi manga doujinshis , guns, and pie-eating contests and whatnot. Well, not to be exaggerating, it was pretty much the same, but there were a lot of strange booths.

It all started when Namimori Middle had an American exchange student. Ashley Crawford, was her name, and boy did she look weird! She had brown, low pigtails that twirled into Christmas trees. Her glasses were round, framed with pink and purple and black, a chipper face, a couple of manga, and she wasn't wearing the uniform, of course. She wore a pink, short sleeved blouse with jeans which had a reddish tint in it. She was a pretty looking girl, but her jacket drove Tsuna crazy. What kind of jacket has 'I Love Boys..' on the front, while the back says 'With Other Boys' on it, and have two guys kissing!

Although guys tried to avoid her, she was pretty popular among the girls. I mean...who wouldn't be friends with a yaoi fangirl? They're everywhere! Even Namimori would have some yaoi fandom in it, if it weren't for those crazy guys with tentacle fantasies being a majority. Who knew America would have fangirls as well?

Well, today's school was over, and Tsuna decided to help his friends out with their booths. He was so happy today! Kyoko asked him to help her out with her booth, and it was his chance to ask her out to the festival! He was heading towards the booth, when he noticed Ashley following him. It wasn't long before they were talking about the festival. Ashley's Japanese was pretty good. He kinda figured. I mean, all yaoi fangirls wanted to go to Japan someday, right? Wasn't it pretty obvious that they would want to learn the language? They had a few laughs for a bit, and it seemed that Ashley was going the same way tsuna was. Something bothered him, though.

"Ano...is that a 'Devil's book of threats?" He asked

"Wha...i-it's nothing!" She blushed, hiding her book. Tsuna shrugged, and they walked on..

Well Tsuna didn't expect this. Apparently, Kyoko and Haru were working together to make a 'kissing booth'. 

"Tsuna-kun!" Haru shouted as she ran over and hugged Tsuna. "Do you think we will make lots of money like this?"

"Uh...um...so...who's the kisser?" Tsuna asked shyly.

"I dunno. Ashley says that she has the skills to find us one. And it's gunna be a guy!!"

"A _guy_!?"

"Yes! I can't wait, aren't you excited??"

"Why would _I_ be excited?"  
"Because you're gonna test him to see if he's good or not!" Haru exclaimed.

"NANI???" Tsuna shouted. Why!?"

"I didn't think it was a good idea, but I guess the exchange student talked me into it." Kyoko giggled. Tsuna was shocked. _Ashley poisoned Kyoko! Damn that girl!"_ He grred in his mind.

"Well, do I have a say in this?" Tsuna asked.

"Well, you _would_ but Ashley mentioned something about if you refused, she'd tell everyone about how you were afraid that there was a monster in your closet up to 6th grade..." Haru said, shyly.

"Nani!!??" Tsuna turned around to talk to Ashley, but she was gone...

-Kokuyo Hideout-

"I want to speak with Rokudo." A certain American said firmly to a certain animal man. Ashley was different from before. Her hair was down, her glasses were off, and her clothes were more punky.

"Eh? And what makes you think I will let you?" Ken gnarled at her, showing his dog-like fangs. Ashley smirked, and brung out a small black book.

"If you don't...I'll tell your buddies that _you_ used to be afraid of little dogs!" She shouted, standing her ground.

"Eh?!??!? How did you...?" Before he could protest, Ashley ran past him. It didn't take her long to find Mukuro's main room, where Mukuro was sitting. She was smart. She knew that he knew that there was an intruder in the building. At least he seemed that way, with his proper sitting on a chair, his legs crossed, his elbow supporting his hand who's knuckles were supporting his cheek, and of course, his ever-so-famous smile.

"And what brings a trespasser to my humble abode?" He said smoothly, tapping his finger.

"I need your help." Courageously, she ran up to him and whispered in his ear. Mukuro didn't seem amused.

"And what will I get in this? How do I know if I'm good or not?...Not that I'm doubting my talents anyway..." He asked. Ashley smiled.

"You get to practice with Tsuna." She answered.

A smirk grew on Mukuro's face.

"Geez...How did I get talked into this??" Tsuna groaned as he went down the hallway. He was sent to the reception room to do his...job. _I'll just tell him. I'm not going to go through with this!!_ Tsuna clenched his fist and tried to be as firm as possible...which was ruined by his all famous 'heee!!' when he opened the door. There was Mukuro...the Kokuyo student...sitting on a sofa chair. Holy hell.

"Kufufu...fancy meeting you here, little Vongola." Mukuro purred, crossing his legs. Tsuna's face was red. What was Mukuro _wearing_??

Mukuro's outfit..wow. He was wearing a bright pink tuxedo, with a red tie. His shoes had hearts on them, he was wearing black velvet gloves, his hair had a small heart clip on it. As Tsuna walked inside...oh God...he smelled _cologne._

"M-Mukuro...you're the person who's going to work the kissing booth!?"

"I didn't want to at first...but I wanted to see if my talented lips still work. I guess she talked me into it." Mukuro chuckled slightly. "Now then, come here, little Tsuna." He used his hand and gestured Tsuna to come over, which resulted in a head-shaking little teen. 

"Now, now, don't be so coy." He said seductively.

"I can't...I..." Tsuna remembered. If he didn't do what he was told, everyone would know about his fear of closet/bed monsters. Before he could say anymore, he felt himself being pushed onto a couch. He struggled to sit up straight, and when he did, his face was inches from Mukuro's.

"Wait!!...I can't do this!!...I'm not...were...you're...were both...you're..."

"Mukuro, the scary mindfker, right?" He smirked, his breath on Tsuna's lips.

"A guy!" Tsuna finished his sentence, scooting further from Mukuro, who just giggled. Not chuckled, _giggled_.

"Oh Tsunayoshi..." Mukuro pecked Tsuna's cheek. "You're so naive." He pecked his nose. "So naive..." He pecked the corner of Tsuna's lips, hearing a whimepr in return. A few seconds later, he gently placed his lips onto Tsuna's, wrapping the frail, little body in his arms.

"Ah..." Tsuna couldn't help but make little cries of pleasure. He never expected to be his first kiss with a guy...a (not really) villian at that, and what more? He's on the bottom, and it actually felt _good_. First Mukuro nibbled on Tsuna's upper lip, then the bottom, and soon tongues were being tangled. Tsuna's sense came back, as he pulled Mukuro away.

"Ok...enough...you're good enough." He said, his face flushed.  
"Oh yeah?...But...I need to know if my hands are..._warm_...enough." 

Tsuna blinked. "Warm enough for wha...aahh!..." Tsuna eeped a little, feeling Mukuro's hand traveling up his shirt, carressing and kneading his abdomen and stomach, his free arm wrapping tighter around the poor little teen.

"H-hey! Cut that out!" Tsuna cried, trying to pull Mukuro's hand away. but due to his wimpy strength, he was no match for Mukuro's advancing. Mukuro chuckled again, forcing his lips on Tsuna's once again, lockinmg in a passionate kiss, while his hand kept gently carressing Tsuna's little stomach, his other arm wrapped tightly. Tsuna couldn't stand it. The pleasure this was giving him, and the humiliation he felt. It just felt so good. The carresses, the kissing, the embrace...the flavor of pineapple in his mouth. That's right. Mukuro was wearling lipgloss! Oh, my mistake..._man_gloss.

"I can see you're enjoying this, dear Vongola." Mukuro purred, pulling away, which gave Tsuna the chance to breath. Once Tsuna caught his breath, he looked up at Mukuro. Damn, his face was calm as ever! Not even a sweat. He _was_ good. But Tsuna...boy was he messed up! His hair was ruffled, his face so red it was burning, and his clothes slightly moved.there was still panting coming from the poor thing.

"Ok...please...it's enough..." He panted, clinging onto Mukuro's shirt.

"Oh, but you want more. I can feel it...your heart is racing." Mukuro bent forward, attacking tsuna's slender neck, and a very loud cry came from Tsuna. Mukuro smiled at this, and began kissing Tsuna's neck. Not biting, nipping, or licking, but actual kissing. With lips. Pineapple flavoured lips. Tsuna couldn't help but cry as Mukuro started getting rough, using his teeth to make a small red mark on Tsuna's neck. Tsuna begged him to stop, and Mukuro finally did. He looked down at Tsuna, and couldn't help but go 'awww' at his flustered face.

"You are soo amusing, little Tsunayoshi..." Mukuro whispered, giving a sweet kiss on Tsuna's forehead. Using his velvet glove, he stroked Tsuna's face, whispering sweet nothings to calm him down. His free hand fixed up Tsuna's hair, and wiped away the glossed from his face and neck. Once he was finished, he grabbed Tsuna into his arms, and held him tightly, stroking his hair.

"There, wasn't that nice? I guess my wonderful kissing talent still works, ne?" He whispered, rubbing Tsuna's back soothingly, who just gagged and sniffed and held on tight in return. After a few minutes, Mukuro pulled away, and bent over in his ear. "See you at the festival..." He whispered, and it gave Tsuna shivers.

-The Festival-

Tsuna almost fainted. The kissing booth wasn't there. A different booth took it's place.

"FANSERVICE BOOTH??" Tsuna shouted, looking at the frilly, pink thing before him.  
"Yeah...you see...Ashley said we'd make more money with..." Before Haru could say anymore, Tsuna gawked. The booth had pictures. Pictures of Mukuro and him that other day.

"H-h...how did..." Tsuna's face turned a bright red again.

"Awwww...poor little thing." A certain voice said from behind. Tsuna felt arms wrapped around his waist, and a body pressed against his back. Tsuna turned around, and there was Mukuro, in that silly,

but sexy

outfit, smiling back at him with that damned smirk. A few girls turned around and started giggling. Tsuna looked around. He never felt so embarrased. And to complete all that, Mukuro advanced Tsuna into a passionate kiss, completely taking him in his arms, and then...cameras flashed. Lots and lots of cameras. The 'kyas' of the girls followed behind.

"Congrats, Tsuna. You finally got yourself a _man_girlfriend, and popularity against the girls! Better yet..._you're_ the girlfriend, probably!" Ashley exclaimed, laughing as she walked up to the booth.

Tsuna cried (humorously), Mukuro chuckled, Haru and Kyoko giggled, Gokudera was furiated, and Ashley cackled like a sick demon, and she walked away, strange words coming out of her mouth.

"Mission One: Complete. Ya-ha..."


	2. All I wanted was some Ice Cream

1

It was a hot summer day. Tsuna worked some small jobs at home and around his street to get some summer cash. Just as he was finished mowing the lawn, he was really hot. Instantly he thought of some ice-cream.

"Thank you, ma'am " He said to the ice-cream shop owner as she handed him his double pineapple-mint scoop, as he paid back with his well-earned work money. He walked outside, licking his frozen dairy treat, as he noticed a certain sadistic prefect sitting on a bench, eating chocolate ice-cream out of a small bowl.

"Hibari-san??" Tsuna whispered in fear to himself. Boy that guy was scary even when eating innocent sugary products. He sneaked away to get out alive, licking on his cone, but his hopes of living disappeared when he heard a little "Hello, little herbivore." In the distance. He eeped, turning around, laughing nervously to face Hibari. Ok, he didn't expect Hibari's face to be inches from his face. He eeped again as he jumped back, his cone smashing onto his face. He took the cone away from his face, his mouth covered in greenish and orangish ice-cream mess.

"He he...h...hi...Hibari Wh...what are you doing here?" Tsuna laughed nervously, slightly embarrassed. Hibari giggled slightly. That's the second surprise today. Hibari was giggling.

"You got ice-cream all over your shirt." He said, taking a napkin out of his pocket. He grabbed Tsuna's shoulder, which made him flinch, and gently wiped the ice-cream off his mouth, which made him flinch even more.

"Hold still." Hibari said as he finished up. Tsuna became a light pink from Hibari's touch. He looked up at Hibari. He was wearing a black polo t-shirt, and blue jeans. Kinda casual for the school's disciplinary committee.

"So...uh...what brings you here?" Tsuna asked, trying to start a conversation. Hibari only smiled and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, and led him and his ice-cream to the bench, where they both sat down.

"If were going to talk then we might as well sit down." Hibari said in his usual voice. One thing that scared tsuna about Hibari was that you never know what his mood is.

"So...uh..." Dang, Tsuna was running out of things to say. Soon Hibari would get bored and hurt people. That's usually what he did when he was bored. What a bastard.  
"How lovely it is to see my two friends happy on a bench." A voice announced, from a distance behind them. Tsuna turned around, only to face a red eye and a blue, and flip backwards in middle uke schoolboy shock.

"Mukuro?" Hibari said, sounding annoyed. He was just having fun with Tsuna and now Mukuro had to appear. Perfect.

"Mukuro???" Tsuna shouted, standing up, and...surprisingly, hiding behind Hibari. He never knew which of the two scared him more. What's more, as expected, Hibari took his tonfas out of his rear, and stood his ground, as Mukuro did the same thing, only with some long staff that I do not know the name of. 

"Why are you getting so defensive? All I wanted was to say hello." Before Mukuro said anymore, he was already behind Tsuna, who 'hee'ed in response. In 0.6843902 seconds, Tsuna was picked up by Mukuro like a newlywed bride, and he screamed even more, dropping his ice cream all over himself.

"Put him down." Hibari hissed, growling at Mukuro, who just chuckled in return. 

"But he's all messy. I must clean him." Mukuro let out another little chuckle before he bent forward and began licking the ice cream off of Tsuna's chest, who gasped and blushed in return.

"C-c-c-cut it out!" Tsuna yelped, struggling in embarrasement. The only thing Hibari could do was growl and stare, like a junkyard dog on a leash. Mukuro looked at Tsuna, and gave him a smile. He bent forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"All done, now." He whispered, giving him another kiss on the cheek. That did it. Hibari was in a rage. He charged towards Mukuro, resulting in him dropping Tsuna, and jumping out of the way. Tsuna landed on his butt, and it probably hurt.

"Itetetete..." Tsuna rubbed his butt as he stood up, only to find himself covered in really really tight arms.

"I won't let that man get you. I'll show him, I'm much better than him!" Some ice cream was on Tsuna's neck. Hibari probably noticed, because he started licking it off Tsuna's neck, hearing a small whimper in return. Hibari pulled back and saw...what was Mukuro doing here, and why was Hibari holding him? Wasn't he holding Tsuna just now?? He looked around and noticed Tsuna on the bench, tied up to it. He seems like he was crying, but a little snicker was heard as well.

"Oya oya, little skylark, aren't you the aggressive one." He joked, a pretend blush on his face.

"You perverted bastard! Tsuna's mine!" Hibari shouted, kicking Mukuro and running to Tsuna. He sat on the bench next to him and gave him a tight hug, who just squeaked in return. Once he pulled back to make sure it was Tsuna, it was, but Mukuro was behind him.

"Mind if I join your little moment with Tsuna. He'll make _much_ cuter noises when two give him affection.

"Eh???" Tsuna blushed, trying to get out of the rope.

"No! He deserves me more than he deserves you!" Mukuro and hibari kept bickering and yelling. This was so far the weirdest summer day ever. It was that moment where Hibari's tonfas let out those little spikes, which untied Tsuna's rope, which set him free. He wanted to run, but he was just too scared. But he did anyway, and as he dashed off, he wasn't very far when he bumped into someone. And then...a cone of ice cream fell over his head. Both Mukuro and Hibari stopped and looked at Tsuna, who was covered in a rainbow sherbet, and choco-choco-chip mess.  
"I'm so sorry!" A girl around Tsuna's age shouted, as she got her cone off his head. The girl had long hair tied in pigtail, a red shirt, jeans, and round framed moe glasses. Tsuna swore she looked familiar.

"Wait here, I'll go get some napkins!" She shouted, scurrying off. Once Tsuna took a good look at her, something popped into his mind. Wasn't that Ashley, the exchange student from California?

"Don't worry, Tsuna, I'll clean you up." Mukuro chuckled in amusement, licking his lips.

"Leave him alone! I'll clean him!" Hibari shouted. They started at each other, sparks flying through their eyes. Tsuna shouted as both men jumped on him, as if he were some $100 bill they found on the floor.

"IYAA!! Stop! Hey, don't touch me there! Hey, wait, what? Stop! Cut it out! Hey, back off, pervs! HEEEE!!" STOP RUBBING THAT! QUIT LICKING ME THERE! Hey!" Girls stared in amusement, watching a little yaoi rumble at the dairy shoppe. Even Kyoko and Haru happened to walk by, blushing at the sight.

Meanwhile...Ashley was walking back home, a demonic cackle coming from her mouth.

"Mission Two: 'Throw-ice cream-on-victim-to-create-sexy-mayhem'...Complete. _Ya-Ha_... "


	3. Lolita Horrors

1Hi guys! It's Kouga, I finally updated! I hope you enjoy this one. I haven't seen any XanTsuna fics in a while...

Warning: this is probably one of the most crackyest fic I had to do...

--

"Nee, Hayato-kun, who's Xanxus?" Thats how Ashley's morning started. As her perverted interest grew, she wanted to know the people that she was going to deal with.

"Don't get familiar with me and start coming up with a first-name basis, stupid girl" Gokudera snorted in reply. Attitude, whew! Ever since the stupid American girl came, Kyoko and Haru behaved differently, and gokudera was worried about tsuna.

"Jeez, I'm just calling you by your name. In America, we call our peers by our first names, and even the teachers call us by our first names. But we call our elders by their last names. Now answer my question!" Ashley said back.

"I know that! We do that in Italy, too, now go away, baka-onna." Gokudera said, ignoring her question.

"Xanxus is the leader of the Varia. A group of feared Italian mafia who wants to take these rings form us in order to take over Tsuna's mafia family. Oops, I wasn't supposed to tell you that!" Yamamoto laughed modestly, answering for Gokudera who looked angrily at Yamamoto. He wasn't supposed to tell some random girl about Tsuna's life.

"Why do you wanna know anyways?" Yamamoto asked.

"Because...Tsuna keeps muttering his name in a scared matter, and I'm just worried, ya know?"

Gokudera gonked. This girl couldn't possibly be any more annoying, especially when she tried to get into the 10th's personal business. He suddenly hatched an idea. Ashley couldn't last 5 seconds with the Varia. It seemed cruel, but Gokudera just wanted Ashley out of his way.

"If you're so worried about Tsuna, then why don't you come over to Xanxus and tell him to stop? They live in..." Gokudera started explaining to her where the Varia were currently residing. Ashley nodded and thank him, and Gokudera barely held back his snicker. Little did Gokudera know that Ashley already planned out something...

-The Place Where The Varia Live In-

"VOOOOOOOOIII! Boss, we have a trespasser!" Squalo shouted as he ran up to Xanxus's room. Xanxus was already aware of it, because he's cool like that. Anyway, everyone was in a panic, because no one was stupid enough to trespass the Varia. And since they did, they must be really strong, and that's what disturbed the,. Especially Lussuria. Even so, Xanxus was also a bit frightened. He didn't know who the trespasser was. He searched everywhere. At last he went to his room and locked his door, and maybe the trespasser was there. He heard a thump near him. He searched around and noticed a box. Attached to it was a letter:

_YA-HA! You're being very mean to Tsuna! If you want to keep your life, then put this on and wait on your bed! You better do it! Or I'll tell everyone about your phobia of Lussuria's feather boa thinking it's some kind of snake! What the hell's wrong with you??_

_Yours truly,_

_The American Devil Bat_

_p.s. It's made of feather boas, you stupid pig!_

Xanxus was in panic, How did this person know??? He quickly opened the box and looked inside. No. He couldn't! He possibly COULD NOT wear that!

--

"MMPH! NN MMV254DZXB!" Tsuna was tied up and mouth-shut by a ribbon and rope, and being carried by someone. They were headed towards Xanxus's window, up a tree. Tsuna couldn't see in the dark, nor could he realize who was carrying him, or how this thing happened in the first place. All he knew was that the window was being opened, his mouth was being untied, and he was being thrown into the room.

"UWAAH!! XANXUS DON'T HURT ME!! I WAS THROWN HERE, I DIDN'T MEAN TO..." Tsuna's eyes widened.

"Tsuna! This isn't what it looks like!" Xanxus was just as scared as Tsuna was. Why wouldn't he? He was wearing a pink, Lolita dress, with frills, roses, and...frills.

"Eh...I'm...interrupting at a bad time, aren't I?" Tsuna laughed nervously at Xanxus, who yelled in return.

"If I don't wear this, then this person is going to tell my secret about Lussuria and then kill me!" Xanxus yelled at Tsuna, who squeaked and whimpered in return. Xanxus had to admit, Tsuna looked cute when he was scared.

"Well, I'll be leaving now..."

"Not so fast." Xanxus said, grabbing Tsuna's collar. He could have grabbed his arms but Tsuna was tied up so there wasn't a way.

"I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to come in, someone threw me in! It's not my fault."

"That may be so, but who said I'm grabbing you for trespassing?" Tsuna turned around at Xanxus's comment. He was scared at firts, but what scared him more was the gentle smile on Xanxus's face. He sure cleaned up good, for a man in a dress. Tsuna gulped at Xanxus's creepy smile, especially when he gently wrapped his arms around Tsuna's tiny body, picking him up. Wow, the dress had such soft fabric, and Tsuna couldn't help but blush.

"I've had this feeling for a long time, but I couldn't help but say it now." Xanxus sighed. "I'm sorry but...Tsuna, you're just too adorable for me to resist." before Tsuna could gasp in shock, Xanxus pulled him closer and placed a sweet kiss on Tsuna's lips, causing a slight numbness to flow through Tsuna's body, making him weak in the knees. Once Tsuna was about to fall, Xanxus swooped him up, and placed him on his bed, his lips never leaving Tsuna's.

"Xanxus...uwaa...Xan..." Tsuna tried pushing away, but Xanxus just kept coming forward. Tsuna could hear Xanxus rip off his dress. Feh, Xanxus was too chicken to take off his pants when he put the dress on, or his shirt for that matter. It must have been hot under that dress. Tsuna felt Xanxus's hand crawl up his shirt and slightly tickling/caressing his little tummy, moving around to Tsuna's back and stroking is gently, too.

"Xanxus...wait..." Tsuna let out a small moan when Xanxus's lips met his neck, kissing and nibbling it, kissing up to his jaw, then down to his collarbone.

"Xanxus!" Tsuna pushed him off, And Xanxus was on top of Tsuna, staring at him back, both panting and very red. Xanxus shirt was unbuttoned and his necktie was undone. Xanxus was really going for it wasn't he? Tsuna blushed even deeper as Xanxus helped him up, and straightened out Tsuna's pajamas. (Hey, it was in the middle of the night when Tsuna was kidnaped and thrown into the room.)

"Now, don't come back here again ok?" Xanxus said firmly, running his hand through Tsuna's as he looked him in the eyes. "Unless of course, you want some of this" He bent forward and kissed Tsuna's cheek, and then pushing him out the window. Tsuna landed in a thump, on a tree. OH how much it took him to get back home, and sneak into his house by the window. Weirdest night ever, seeing xanxus in a dress.

-The Next Morning At School-

"What the?!?! What are you doing here?!?" Gokudera shouted, as he saw Ashley in the classroom. _I thought she would be dead by now!_

"Look and weep, Dynamite-boy." Ashley cackled, showing Gokudera a picture.

"WHAT THE #$43??" Gokudera shouted. How did Ashley get a picture of Xanxus...in a dress!? Both Gokudera and Yamamoto awed at the picture, too amazed to see Tsuna walk in with black circles under his eyes.

"Tsuna-san, what happened?" Ashley asked innocently.

"Ugh it was horrible. Some guy tied me up and threw me into the window of the room of this guys I'm enemies with, and he was wearing a dress..." Tsuna kept going on, too tired to know what he was really saying or doing. Ashley was relieved, so Tsuna didn't know that she was the one who did all this.

_Mission three: Get Xanxus to back off... for a bit: Complete. Ya-ha..._

A week had passed, and Xanxus was never heard from. Why? There was a letter that he found on his bed.

_Leave Tsuna alone or I'll show everyone a picture of you in that dress, honey!_

_Yours truly,_

_The American Devil Bat_


	4. Not Trigger happy, but Hiruma Happy

1Gosh I haven't updated this fast before!

Maybe its because for my next 10 chapters, I'm writing requests that I took form my LJ COMM, so when you see how full of crack these fics are, you have my COMM buddies to blame. :3

--

Gokudera wasn't himself today. Neither was Ashley, but lets see Gokudera first since I mentioned him first. His teeth seemed slightly sharped and his eyes seemed redder. What was going on? Everyone was really scared when he started going up to Ashley and grabbed her by her collar, picking her up and make her scream in shock.

"YOU BETTER STAY AWAY FROM THE 1OTH OR I'LL BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT! YA-HA!!!" He dropped Ashley, who landed in a thud and stormed to his seat, pulling out a machine gun and shooting it everywhere, laughing maniacally. That might have disturbed Hibari a little...

-Group meeting at the rooftop!-

"What the...why am I here?" During lunch, Ashley was dragged by Yamamoto to the roof top, where the mafia trio always met and whatnot.

"Something is wrong with Gokudera. He says it's all your fault. Do you have anything to do with this?" Yamamoto sounded like he was just worried, and Ashley felt relived that he didn't sound mad.

"I do not. I actually got this letter last night." Ashley picked up a piece of paper, both tsuna and Yamamoto grabbed it form her.:

_YA-HA! You got guts kid. You're just like me! I could tell you what I'm talking about but you're probably gonna show it to your friends. YOU DON'T NEED TO! But I'm gonna run a test. Lets see how you can deal with people of our own kind!_

_-The Original Devil Bat_

_p.s. That feather boa is really creepy. :(_

"So, some guy just came over to our school and forced Gokudera to be trigger happy?" Tsuna asked, confused.

"Probably. If Ashley here can poison Haru and Kyoko into whatever this yaoi is, then anyone can just come in and poison our Gokudera to be trigger happy." Yamamoto answered.

"Not trigger happy. Hiruma Happy." Ashley answered them both.

"Who happy?" Tsuna asked.

"Haven't you heard of Youichi Hiruma? He's a gun, explosions, computer hacking, secret hideout specialist! He's famous!" ashley shouted.

"Maybe we can go talk to him, do you know where he lives?"

"I don't know. See what I mean by hideout specialist?" Ashley laughed slightly.

"Then what should we do.?" Tsuna asked.

"The letter said for me to deal with it. I'll try to find a way."

"Ok, we're counting on you." Yamamoto smiled.

"Thank you..."

And suddenly, she hatched a plan.

-The next day at school.-

"YA-HA! Good Morning 10th!" Gokudera said happily, his fangs showing and his machine gun reflecting light. He shouted a little and started shooting everywhere, scaring Tsuna in the hallways.

"I do not like my school being shot at." Hibari said as he walked up, taking out his tonfas. Gokudera smirked, as he shot both of those tonfas out of Hibari's hands. Hibari's face turned red with anger, but he got even angrier when a spontaneously random person jumped through the window. Ok, that was weird. The person was definitely a female. She had long brown hair, some kind of punky thief outfit, and her face up to below her eyes was covered with a black mask. She jumped behind Tsuna and grabbed him. From behind.

"Heeee!! Lemme go!"

"10TH! LET HIM GO OR I'LL SHOOT YOU!!!"

"YA-HA! If you value your boy's life then follow me! She muffled through her mask. Then she randomly jumped through the window, Tsuna screaming, and then fading away.

"10TH!" Gokudera jumped thorough the window...uh oh. He didn't realize that they were three stories above the ground. I guess we all know who was screaming.

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh..." The scream faded away until a small thud was heard. Then some cursing afterwards. Ok, this is what Hibari just saw. A girl jumping through a three story high window, kidnaping Tsuna, jumping, out, then Gokudera jumping out after them. Wow.

"Put me down!" Tsuna cried, struggling.

"Stop screaming! I'm only doing this for your own good!" The girl shouted. "You want your friend to stop acting weird like a raccoon in the middle sea high on angel dust, right?"

"Wait...what?"

THORP! They landed behind the school at the tennis court. Gokudera was there, wearing bullet straps and clinging onto his gun. His cat was next to him, wearing a spike collar, and his eyes bright red, like a demon's, and his fangs were bigger than his mouth.

"Let go of him!" Gokudera shouted, pointing the gun at the ninja-ish girl. But when he did, she was holding a gun of her own. A bigger one. Gokudera instantly gasped, when she pointed the gun at Tsuna, Gokudera instantly fell on his knees.

"You want your him back? Then drop the gun, the fangs, the ears, and that attitude. You're in violation of anime character copyright infringement!" the girl said, causing Gokudera to realize something.

"Hey! You're Crawford! From our class!" He shouted, surprising Tsuna as well.

_Oh shit! He's onto me!. _Ashley was in panic, They're going to hate her! She had to do something! But then she remembered the forgetting bomb she kept for emergencies. The next thing that happened was a puff of smoke, and both Tsuna and gokudera fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Ugh...what happened?" Gokudera found himself on his desk. Was school over already? All he remembered was coming to school and now the suns about to come up. He looked around and noticed Tsuna sitting - no - sleeping on his desk. Oh he just looked _so cute._ Gokudera couldn't hold back a blush as he saw his innocent 10th with those shut little eyes. He leaned forward, petting Tsuna's hair and kissing the side of his face. Suddenly Tsuna's eyes fluttered open, making Gokudera jump. Tsuna yawned and got up, a blush on his face form Gokudera's kiss.

"What time is it?" Tsuna asked, rubbing his eyes. Gokudera looked at his watch.

"Five. Looks like we slept in a bit." He chuckled, helping Tsuna up, but since Tsuna was so tired, he went all 'Dino' by tripping and falling on Gokudera. (No offense, Dino.) Gokudera blushed, and couldn't help but to grab Tsuna and hug him, tightly. Tsuna blushed at Gokudera's sudden affection, but al the same he was still tired and found himself nuzzling into Gokudera's chest. Gokudera kissed Tsuna's tiny head, and continued on holding him, until a little piece of paper caught his attention. He reached out and took it.:

_Don't underestimate this chick just because she's some random transfer student. She got skills and guts, man._

_-TODB _

Gokudera just grunted, throwing the paper. But he noticed something and picked it up. And then...he dropped and froze.

"Ne, Gokudera-kun, what's wrong?" Tsuna took the paper from Gokudera and looked at the back, and his eyes widened. A picture of Gokudera laughing maniacally, with a gun, fangs, and an evil cat. Tsuna had never seen gokudera like this. How did this happen?

Meanwhile...

Ashley was eating ramen as he held another copy of the strange picture, cackling.

"_Mission 4: Trigger Happy Gokudera: complete. Ya-ha..."_


	5. not Cruel, but Definitely Unusual

Okays, because of school, I can probably only update every weekend or so.

This fic is requested by etherealtsuki, an LJ KHR comm who requested such a perverted prompt.

Thanks to KHR community member, and my friend, Kurinoki who help me think of a good plot for the prompt. ;

* * *

Hibari is angered. Tsuna and Gokudera had caused a lot of damage to the school. Apparently Tsuna did not remember what happened. Here's what happened. Gokudera shot stuff, Tsuna grabbed the gun and accidentally shot even more stuff, (because the gun was a machine gun and he couldn't control it.) A random ninja girl kidnaped Tsuna and broke a window, and Tsuna tried to get away and broke the window even more, then when Gokudera grabbed a grenade, Tsuna took it and threw it but it accidentally hit the school. Hibari was so angry that Tsuna came to school the next day, not remembering what happened.

"I'm telling you the truth! I have no idea what happened!" Tsuna's words buzzed through Hibari's head like an angry bee. Hibari need to do something about it. If Tsuna wasn't going to admit his mistake, then he must be punished. But how? It had to be by the pool, because Hibari told Tsuna to meet him there after school. But what should he do? Suddenly, one person popped in his mind, one that would help him out...

---

"What? Y-y-y-you want m-me??" Ashley stammered, trying to act innocent.

"Yes. You're the only person I know that has done humiliating things to people, for no reason. If you can do that, who knows what you can do when there IS a reason." Hibari answered firmly.

"Um...ok...so...what did Tsuna do?"

"He destroyed school property along with Gokudera and a mystery girl who had her Identity hidden."

Ashley sighed mentally in relief. So Hibari didn't know it was her that other day.

"Ok Well he shouldn't have done that. Where is this punishment taking place?"

"By the pool. Don't know why. I guess some voice in my head told me to make it there." Hibari replied. Suddenly, a smirk appeared on Ashley's face. "Make him wear...this..." She said, pulling out something from the storage closet. Hibari arched up an eyebrow in shock. What? Hibari isn't much of an expressive person.

--

Tsuna gulped as he walked towards the pool. What scared him the most was the fact that he did not remember what he did. He goes into the pool area and looks around. Hibari isn't here. Just as Tsuna sighs in relief and walks away, until a voice was heard.

"Where are you going, herbivore?" Damn! He was here!

"Uh...ye-yeah...Hibari...san? Hehehe..." Tsuna stammered, laughing nervously. Tsuna then felt a bag being thrown into his face. Tsuna whined from the pain a little, and then looked at the bag. It was uncomfortably pink and frilly, as if it came from a girl's clothing store. It did.

"Put that on." He smirked, frightening Tsuna. First time he's seeing Hibari smile. That wasn't a good sign. Tsuna looked inside, and his eyes widened. He took out what seemed to be a pink and purple, frilly bikini...

"No way..." Tsuna froze. He could not just wear this...he couldn't. Why is someone always wearing a weird outfit in every other chapter of this weird series???

"What are you waiting for? Put it on."Hibari said, glaring at Tsuna with his slender eyes.

"But...but..." Tsuna had no choice. He gulped as his hands shook, while he started unbuttoning himself. Once he took off his boxers, he noticed that Hibari was still staring- no -GLARING at Tsuna. Tsuna became frightened, and quickly changed into the swimsuit, trying hard not to be "seen" by Hibari.

"D-done..." Tsuna stammered, straightening the swimsuit. It felt so uncomfortable. How could girls WEAR these things?

"Good. Now swim." Hibari hissed.

"Eh??" It was bad enough Tsuna didn't really know how to swim but... in _this??_ Tsuna gulped as he got into the water. It was freezing.

"Uh...how long should I swim?"

"Until you've learned your lesson, or until I get bored. Whichever comes first." Hibari said lazily, as he sat on a beach chair.

"Sonna..." Tsuna said as he dipped into the freezing water. 5 minutes later he was begging for help. Splashing around the water does not a swimmer make. Hibari just stood there, amused from Tsuna's inability to swim. That was until he heard those cries no more. Hibari looked up and noticed Tsuna in the water, but he was no where to be seen on the surface.

"Oh shit." Hibari cursed as he quickly dropped his Ipod and jumped head first into the water.

---

The next thing Tsuna knew, he was floating on the surface of the water. But someone was holding him. He opened his eyes, and noticed two slender eyes staring back at him. He then noticed that he was being _held_ by Hibari. He noticed that his top wasn't on, only the bottom of the bikini stayed on his body. The next thing Tsuna knew was being put feet first into the water, his bottom half now underwater, while his top, er top_less_ half was above the surface. Hibari was nowhere near his sight, so that meant hibari was behind him. Tsuna was scared a little, until he felt arms wrapped around his waist and a tickly chin on his shoulder.

"You seriously are a worthless herbivore, you know that?" Hibari said harshly. What confused Tsuna was that even though he spoke this way, his arms were gently wrapped around Tsuna as if he were a frightened child wanting to be held.

"So...what's my punishment??" Tsuna asked, gulping.

"You're punished enough. I bet wearing that swimsuit is humiliating." Hibari said in an almost sensual whispering voice that gave Tsuna shudders. Hibari noticed those shudders, and he tightened his grip around Tsuna, making him blush. Why was Hibari fully clothed?

"So...what am I being punished for exactly?"

"I told you before."

"..." Tsuna was very confused. Too confused. In fact...he was angered slightly.

"I DO NOT know what you're talking about!" Tsuna shouted, surprising Hibari a bit.

"You keep saying that I destroyed some of school property! But I _didn't!_ At least I don't remember doing it!" Once he finished, loud pants were heard from him. Hibvari turned Tsuna around to look at his face. It was _angry_, filled with tears and it was red. Tsuna looked like he wasn't lying. Was he telling the truth? Maybe Hibari _thought_ that Tsuna was partly to blame. Maybe only Gokudera did it, and made Tsuna accidentally destroy some of the school in the process. Why was Gokudera acting all weird and demonic that day? But right now the only question he could answer...was how to comfort Tsuna...

The next thing that Tsuna knew was that his body was wrapped in the arms of a sadistic, wet prefect. He was definitely scared now. He pulled back from Hibari, only to feel a pair of lips on his forehead. He turned RED.

"I'll leave you off the hook for now. Do anything reckless again and I'll bite you...well maybe not to kill you..." A smirk appeared on Hibari's face. He supposedly was going to say "I'll bite you dead" but meant something else. Oh boy.

"A-arigato..." Tsuna stammered. A few minutes later, he dried himself and changed into his clothes, leaving to go home finally.

---

"So how did it go?" Ashley asked as she and Hibari walked home.

"None of your business." Hibari hissed in reply.

"Oh really? And I suppose you don't want...this?" Ashley showed a picture of Tsuna...in that bikini.

"How did you...never mind..." Hibari blushed, turning around, and in a few seconds, dashing for home.

---

Hibari lay in his bed that night...thinking of Tsuna. But then he thought of Gokudera...

"Hm...shall I make Gokudera wear that bikini for punishment as well?"

_Mission 5: Complete. YA-HA_


End file.
